Gravedigging Omens

Honestly, I'm afraid.

I'm not sure when this happened, when I started losing so much confidence, and so quickly.

I fear I may in fact, be weak. Far weaker than I ever imagined.

... It's a somewhat repugnant thought.

Keep the faith

Because sometimes dreams still come true.

Distractions

Okay, honestly, I came to my blog looking to try to date a certain event for my CV, but I couldn't find anything posted about it here, so meh. I also couldn't help but notice I haven't blogged in...

A long time. Yep.

I think I'm a different person now. I think I've only just realised how true that is, and it's pretty scary.

Did NS do this to me? Some of these changes, yes, I think I can quite safely attribute them to NS. Growing closer to my family for one. It's a good change, and it's one that NS brought about by giving me a topic of conversation. I'm honestly really thankful for this. It seems that God has a strange way of going about answering prayer. Hm.

That aside however, I seem to have... Grown old. Old-ER anyway. I mean, I actually applied for Medicine. Good god.

Right now I'm cracking my head open, and trying to summon every bit of motivation I can to do a proper fight for my place. The thing is, I'm honestly not sure if I ought to be doing this at all. A part of me, I think, is trying to say, "Screw this, it's not what you really want!"

But then, what do I really want?

I'm not too sure myself after all. I know what I like, but how would I know what would most suit me as a career. Who's to say I won't enjoy being a doctor or a lawyer? Honestly, my interests have always been many and varied, so who's to say I'm taking the wrong path here? It's not like I haven't thought about even a career in astrophysics or something. (Yeah, weird, let's not go there too much for now. By the way, I've still never thought about engineering or mathematics yet, and probably never will, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.) The thing is, the repeated advice that I'm hearing more and more often as I and my peers begin to carve our futures out for ourselves begins to ring more and more true. What you like doesn't have to your career.

It's true after all. It's not like one can't pursue what one really enjoys as a hobby. I mean, I think plenty of people would love to make a career out of gaming, but most of us just elect to do it as a hobby for, let's face it, strictly practical reasons. It's not like we don't have an interest in that, but most of us are sensible enough to accept that only a select few people are going to be lucky enough to live on that.

So... I mean, I'm really not too sure what I should do now. I'm thinking I should just try to push myself to give my best for now, and then we'll talk when Medicine chooses me. After all, it's a bit like OCS (which unfortunately, or perhaps, fortunately), in that it chooses you, not the other way around. (Hopefully whatever posting God has in store won't be too taxing... or at least, will be worth whatever I have to put in...) So hey, let's not count our eggs before they hatch hm?

I'm really growing old. I feel myself starting to fade a bit. As if I'm not really living anymore. Starting to fall into mindless routines, just living each day because... Because I don't know. Because I can, because everyone else does, because I'm not sure what I can or ought to be doing otherwise. (Maybe I just feel this way because of NS? Maybe I'll live again once I'm in university? One can only hope.)

I really hope I make the right choice for uni. It's pretty much going to be the last time in my life I'll be free of real obligation and responsibility, and I intend to turn those into the best years of my life.

For now though... BMT is over, and that's still less than a tenth of National Service.

We'll see how the rest of it pans out. I'll try my very hardest to live again this week :3

Tekong

And I'm off!

(Tmr at 0845 that is.)

Hearken not unto dreams

"For thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel; Let not your prophets and your diviners, that be in the midst of you, deceive you, neither hearken to your dreams which ye cause to be dreamed."

- Jeremiah 29:8

The Bible: Sometimes amusingly relevant for the most trivial reasons.

Almost definitely not hermeunetically sound, but whatever. The idea is actually somewhat close.

To the people who defined my JC life

Because I need to whoosh off in a bit and I don't have the time to do a proper post, I'll give you the tl;dr of the eventual post-prom post. (Sometime next week. And yes, this means I will likely not be contactable till then.)



Thank you all~! :3

"It alarmed her mother, though. She said, "Glory, you take things too much to heart." That was what they always said about her. Hope was serene, Luke was generous, Teddy was brilliant, Jack was Jack, Grace was musical, and Glory took everything to heart. She wished they had told her how to do otherwise, what else she should have done."